Walk a mile in my shoes

We all tend to think that our way is the ‘right’ way. If you are in conflict with someone, it is useful to stand in their shoes to get an understanding of what they are thinking, feeling and experiencing, and to see the situation from their perspective.

Think about the other person with whom you are in conflict. Remember how they look, sound and how they stand and move. Think about what matters to them in life and what they like to do. Imagine that you are standing in their shoes.

From this perspective, how do you think they are experiencing the situation with you? What do they think about you and how you have behaved? What would they like to happen? What would they like to say to you? What are they feeling?

Now step back into your own shoes. How has your perspective changed once you have experienced the situation from someone else’s point of view?

Finally, imagine being a stranger looking in on the situation from the outside. What do you think they would say to you about your part in the conflict?

Control the Controllables

Write down all the factors that you feel are outside of your control and which are affecting your mood or feelings.

• Take each factor in turn and consider whether you can control your reaction to it in any way.
• Make a list of strategies for each different situation.

Always look on the bright side of life!

Keep a gratitude journal. At the end of every day, write down three positive things which have happened, or which you are grateful for. You can make this a shared activity for all the family as it can be a valuable habit to encourage in your children, too.

Read this article on a coaching session with a woman who is dealing with family conflict. 

Photograph: iStock