FIRST THOUGHT: Wow An hour’s drive from Munich airport, on the shores of Lake Tegernsee, sits Lanserhof, the new home of digestive health, informed by the Mayr protocol. Having been blown away by the Mayr FX in Austria, I’m intrigued to see if this swanky spot can match the original’s care, unsullied peace and body-transforming results. 

I’m examined by Dr Benedetto-Reisch, who takes my blood pressure, does an abdominal massage, and asks lots of questions. A tongue examination tells her I like my sugar a bit too much. Busted. She can see I’ve got some digestive and bowel problems, and gives me a bespoke programme for the next eight days, which includes glucose- and fructose-testing for intolerance, vitamin infusion injections, bespoke detoxifying massage, time with a personal trainer, a nutritionist and, groan, a colonic too. 

The next few days fly by, with dedicated sessions and appointments, all tailored to get my sluggish system going again. I’ve let things slip and it feels incredible to be in the care of others now, as they diagnose, cleanse and then put my system back together again. With each test and treatment, my body’s complex mechanics begin to make more sense to me, and I vow never to let the feeling I leave with – lightness, vitality, clean energy – slip away again. 

Seven nights at Lanserhof Tegernsee costs from £2,824 per person, including all treatments, tests and training. Fly with Lufthansa.

Tip

Take your most comfortable and chic pyjamas, as you’ll want to pad around in them, and your robe, for much of the time.