1. Look at three specific situations when something didn’t turn out as you wanted it to. In your opinion, what went wrong and who is to blame? Note your reaction. Do you have a pattern that you usually fall into – are you the blamer or the blamee?

2. Ask yourself: what is the point of blame? In each situation, look at the facts and, instead of blaming or taking the blame, ask what you can learn about yourself and the way that you handle conflict and challenges? How does being a blamee or blamer hinder or help you in these cases?

3. Focus on the results. What would you need to do differently in each situation to get the effect that you want?

Read our feature, ‘the blame game‘ by Caroline Buchanan. 

Photograph: iStock